Known as the Chinese or Mongolian Scorpion, this member of the Buthidae is native to East Asia. It is extensively used within Chinese medicine (known as Quan xie) to stop spasms, dispel toxins and subdue exogenous wind[i]. It has an affinity with the liver meridian and is combined with herbs in formulas designed to treat muscle spasms. It is also used as a medicated liquor, which is the form I used. This remedy was triturated by myself, and was purchased in the form of a vodka solution containing a scorpion. I used the vodka as the basis for making the remedy. This is an extract from my book The Table of Animals: The Ecdysozoa: The Nematodes and Early Arthropods.
C1-3
The first three levels of this trituration paint a picture of a being which has profoundly been affected in a negative way by the outside world. Contact with it literally produces a buzzing and jittery feeling within the being. In order to control this feeling, the being begins to modify the outside world to make it less damaging and more comfortable for itself. Literally it makes the outside world more like itself. In order to facilitate this goal, the being adopts an attitude of cold emotionlessness. It suppresses its emotions and acts in a cold and unfeeling way with all those around it in support of its goals, which usually are to reorganize the outside world in a way that is less damaging to itself. However this tactic has a cost. The being gradually becomes more and more disgusted with its own actions, and actually begins to suffer damage internally as a result. It begins to lose its capacity to feel permanently. It is thus stuck between the choice of either being damaged by the outside world, or damaged by its own actions towards the outside world.
C1:
Preformed June 30th 2015:
- I feel mean! I feel really dispassionate about things
- I feel no connection, no emotion- just focused
- I feel my own emotions, but as if there is this very neutral covering over them which keeps those emotions blocked off
- I feel very serious. No humour about anything.
- I don’t feel actively malicious, I just feel focused. I have a goal and I seek to accomplish it and NOTHING else will get in my way. Nothing else is an issue
- I feel a tightness, an anxiety, almost a burning in my abdomen below the umbilicus. It is as if my meotions are stored there.
- I feel a big wave of sleepiness
- I feel a little guilty. I should have more of a connection than I do!
- I wish things could be different. But it has to be this way!
- I feel a lot of regret and self loathing when I’m not in coldness mode.
- A bit of a headache, as if my meninges are being pulled inward away from my skull
C2:
Preformed July 1st 2015:
- I again feel that coldness
- I feel…… I don’t feel a lot. My emotions are very cold.
- I feel like there is a lot of emotion that is kept under wraps and suppressed
- But deep down this emotion is still present
- I feel a lot of anger and rage today. Maybe not so much anger as this big sense of rejection and hostility
- Underneath it all I feel a jitteriness similar to that which I felt in the other arthropods.
- I feel this rejection and hostility to the outside world.
- It is as if the mask of coldness I wear has this rejection of the world as an aspect of itself.
- It is as if I feel that jitteriness, and I use the mask to control it.
- I have a goal, something I want to do. The mask helps me to do this and to control the jitteriness by severing all connections outside of me
- I feel that headache again- my meninges pulling inward away from my skull
- I’m very hostile to the outside world. Victimised even. It is like the world is out to deliberately get me!
- I still feel a very strong goal direction. I have something I wish to do!
C3:
Preformed July 1st 2015:
- Again I feel that emotionlessness
- And I feel an outright hostility. Ahhhh!!! The world is evil. It is out to get me!
- I feel very tingly. It is weaker than before, but I still feel really tingly.
- This cold emotionlessness keeps that tingling away from me
- Its like a shield!
- I feel very cold and calculating
- But deep down I feel some regret. I feel sorry that I have to do this and some self loathing that I must and over what I have become
- I’m a cold heartless bitch!
- It is self destructive. I feel this burning within myself.
- The things I do are destroying me
- So I’m either destroyed by the outside, or destroyed by what I do
- I feel this self loathing in my chest as a burning
- It is as if all of the heartless things I have done are killing me
- My reaction to what I am doing is destroying me, which ironically makes it more likely that I will stay in heartless mode
- I still feel like I have goals, but are they worth this?
- I feel like I have accomplished something, but at what cost?
- Myself and my self respect. That is the cost!
- I feel dead inside. Like my coldness has actually destroyed my capacity to feel.
- Is this what I destroyed, my feeling ability?
- The things I do are destroying me
- This cold emotionlessness keeps that tingling away from me
C4
This level of the trituration presents the resolution of the conflict in C1-3. It is revealed that the being felt a great inner need that was not being satisfied. This led it to its desire to change the world, in order for it to have this need met. This can lead to some extreme behavior, which caused a great feeling of self-loathing. However the futility of this goal now dawns on the being. Merely by dismantling the cold detached attitude with which it approaches the outside world, its needs are satisfied without needing to change the outside world. It now feels as if living, in and of itself, is worthwhile.
Preformed July 2nd 2015:
- I feel good. I am much less goal directed, much more relaxed
- I feel the tingles, now, but they feel good
- I feel really joyous! It is like I accomplished what I came for, but at the same time I realize I never needed to do it in the first place
- I came here with a mission, but now I feel like I never needed to get that mission done. It was pointless
- Just being alive is enough. It accomplishes everything I want
- I just needed to be here and participate in life
- It is as if the barriers, the lack of connection to the rest of the world actually kept me from accomplishing my goals, and necessitated that goal directed behavior
- I didn’t need to do that. I could simply have lowered the barriers and have participated in the world, and that would have met my goalsor even better, get what I needed
- There was a deep need I was expressing with that behavior
- I feel good about myself again. Whatever that deep need was, combined with the coldness was making me act in some very unfortunate ways. I no longer feel so self destructive
- What was this need? It was as if something very deep inside myself wasn’t getting met so that I needed to change reality to meet it, hence the goal directed behavior
- Now I feel almost like that need has been satisfied. There is no need for the goal directed behavior, and no more need to protect myself with the barrier between myself and the outside world
- I don’t need to protect myself anymore. I can just live!
- I didn’t need to do that. I could simply have lowered the barriers and have participated in the world, and that would have met my goalsor even better, get what I needed
C5
This trituration returns to the state of manipulation of C1-3 with more explicit exploration of the motives of the being. The being feels a great deal of that same jittery feeling, which is common to all of the arthropods. This jitteriness stems from the beings interaction with the world outside of itself, which differs from the being energetically. The being wishes therefore to remake the world in such a way as to eliminate this difference, and reduce its own discomfort. The coldness and emotionless explored in C1-3 is a tool to accomplish this, but the being feels great guilt over needing to change the world so, and to be so cold an emotionless.
Preformed July 3rd 2015:
- I’m feeling hostile again. And the barrier is up!
- Not as hostile as I was before, but I feel a great deal of coldness
- I feel like I want to do something, but what?
- I feel very crafty and manipulative- and without any scruples. I don’t feel as if others affected by my plans actually count
- I also feel a milder version of the guilt from C1-3
- I don’t like being so mean to accomplish my plans
- Can’t my goals just happen?
- I feel like I am caught in an “ends justify the means” situation
- My goals are good goals. I NEED to accomplish them, and my coldness will get that done!
- I feel almost like I am remaking the world to be more comfortable for me
- I still feel this jitteriness inside me, and it is just intolerable! So I will remake the world so that it does not disturb me so! I will reorder things so that I can live comfortably
- If I have to make some tough decisions in order to do that, then so be it
- I feel badly about disrupting others’ lives, but this has to be done!
- Some part of me feels justified in altering the world so much…
- I wish this wasn’t the way things are. I wishe it could be better.
- But how is that possible?
[i] Anonymous. Scorpion (Quan Xie). Acupuncture Today. Online Document Accessed August 6th 2015. http://www.acupuncturetoday.com/herbcentral/scorpion.php
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