Colias philodice Trituration

Colias, or the Common Sulphur, is a widespread species of Butterfly in North 800px-Colias_philodice_white_form America. It is a member of the Pieridae, and is Found from Alaska to near the Gulf of Mexico. This butterfly hosts on primarily from the Fabales, though it eats nectar from a wider variety of plants, often including asterales. This specimen was obtained from the bumper of a truck at a truck stop in Calgary in September 2012. The initial trituations were preformed November 27^th 2012, August 25^th 2015 and August 26^th 2015.

C1-3

The initial levels of the trituration paint the picture of a being just on the cusp of expressing themselves. They feel a great inner gift, a talent which they are driven to express. They believe they can actually change the outside world in some way through expressing their talent. However, they perceive the outside world as harsh and cruel, doubting their own capability to express their talent effectively and to change the outside world. They also feel a sense of danger, as if the world would damage them if they expressed themselves.

C1:

I feel sad to be crushing this insect, even though its already dead
- I feel weighed down and heavy
I am feeling very neutral, as if I have no emotions
- A smell as well
  - Acrid
  - Tangy
  - Astringent
- I have a headache. It is a dull stagnancy on top of my head, near my crown. It feels like my head is dull. It is as if my brain is clumping up on itself
  - There is a feeling of dullness and heaviness
  - Its not even painful. Just a sense of neutrality
- I feel a feeling of dullness, heaviness, stagnancy throughout my body
- I feel a very bored, tired and heavy feeling. I’m just exhausted
  - Its neutral, bland and heavy
- I’ve got a heavy, almost depressed feeling

Dream this evening: I could fly. I was flapping my hands like wings, but I couldn’t soar. I got tired and sometimes had to use my hands to push against the ground to give me a boost a bit higher in the air. I could fly is I maintained a happy, boyant peaceful state of mind. But I couldn’t maintain this state, and I ended up bouncing myself off the ground and hovering a bit. I wanted to get higher, but I just kept sliding back to earth.

C2:

I feel very good natured and very gentle
- But there is a feeling of being victimized. The world around me is mean! It’s scary. I feel as if it is going to hurt me, I’m afraid
I am afraid but hopeful for some reason
- The outside world is a threat, but also an opportunity for something
  - But what?
- I feel a lot of potential in me now. But potential for what?
  - I just don’t know
    - I feel lost. I don’t know what to do
  - I feel my own potential in the world and as a part of the world
    - But the world feels so vast, and I am so lost
      - I don’t know if I can handle it
    - How can I do it? I don’t feel like I can
      - I just feel so weak and helpless
        
        And the world, it frightens me
        
        It seems threatening in some way
        
        I feel a lot of tingling in my body. It tickles. It’s pleasant, enjoyable even
        
        I feel very pleasant. Very happy. Very kindhearted
        
        Despite feeling afraid of what is outside of me, I’m very happy.
        
        I have this chance to do something ( I don’t know what yet)
        
        I feel a great gentleness
        
        My skin is especially tingly

C3:

I am afraid again. Nervous, Jittery
- I feel like I have butterflies (ha!) before a stage performance
I feel like I would feel before performing something. I’m so anxious, but I have so much potential to shine
- I doubt my capability!
Will I be able to withstand the outside?
I feel like there is something big that I want todo, some big accomplishment. But I am scared. I don’t think I can do it. I don’t know if I am capable of it
- My stomach feels as if it is in knots.
I feel anxiety, but with anticipation. I’m excited. I’ve got a ton of potential to fulfill
The thought of fulfilling my potential fills me with tingles
- These tingles are the same as before ( in other arthropods) but this time they feel good!
  - But I wonder can I do it?
- The outside world seems so harsh. Will it crush me?
- My own talent or gift seems so delicate. I wonder if I can do it?
- I want to do something. I have a vast vision! But what I can do is so tiny, and the world is so vast and hostile!
  - I feel very dejected, small and inconsequential
    - How could I even imagine that I could do it?
  - Why bother even trying. My talent, my gift wont do anything.
  - And yet strangely I still have a lot of optimism
    - I feel a gift, a talent, Something special inside me that I am driven to express
      - But am I capable enough?

This level of the trituration shows the being stepping into expression of its talent, expressed here as an inner light shining out into the world. The world is not longer perceived as so terribly threatening, and the being now makes contact with the earth, benefiting from its spiritual progress. It has let go of its sense of incapability, and now lets its light shine out into the world, both aiding the being in its growth, and aiding the entire planet.

Preformed August 27^th 2015:

I feel a sense of peace and calmness. My previous anxiety has diminished
- I also feel a great optimism
I feel the tingling/ tickles again. They feel pleasant this time
- I feel like my energy body is turning on
I feel very hopeful towards the future. It doesn’t seem so scary. The world doesn’t seem scary anymore either
- I feel like I can handle it. I am capable
I feel good. I feel my talent singing within me!
I just feel like I must express it. I must live it out. That is my destiny
- Suddenly interactions with the rest of the world no longer frighten me
  - My doubts vanish
- My talent shines. It may not illuminate the whole world, but it illuminates enough
- I feel the tingles and tickles again. Expressing my gift or talent seems to increase them, make them more pleasant
  - And now the tingles feel not so much like destruction, but like an activation
- I’ve been cut off from earth for such a long time that I’ve missed on it’s evolutionary progress
  - And now I make contact with earths energies I begin catching up to their more advanced evolutionary level
    - And hence the pleasant tingling
  - I feel good!
    - I can finally express my talent. I suppose I always could, but that internal sense of incapability really held me back from doing so
  - I really get a sense of having an inner light. I am now letting my inner light shine out!
    - I feel my inner light, and that of the earth mingling

This level of the trituration reiterates the feelings of C1-3 in a more conscious manner. The being feels the world is a very harsh place, and the being feels flawed in some way, incapable of expressing its inner light or talent within the world.

Preformed August 28^th 2015.

I feel afraid again. I’m nervous and jittery again
Life is dangerous. Something is out to get me!
- I feel pushed in by the outside world. IT’s too tight, pushing back on me. I feel a bit claustrophobic
  - I’m worried about something
    - I feel very weak and delicate. Fragile
  - I get a sense of internal bravery and a willingness to deal with this hostility to do what I need to
    - No not hostility, just harshness
  - The world is harsh, but not malevolent
  - I just feel sad having to deal with this. I still do feel like I have some great gift or inner light I need to express
    - I just feel as if I cannot do it. I cannot deal with this harshness, and so I cannot express my gift.
  - The big question is, how? How can I do this in such an environment. How can I express this inner talent?
    - It just feels like something in me is lacking in what I need to handle this harsh reality
  - I don’t know if I can overcome this. I don’t know if I can overcome my inner flaws to do what I need to succeed here.
  - I feel this tingling again. This time it is tingling, and anxious

Image Credit: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Colias_philodice_white_form.jpg